6 Strange Suicides – Suicide Attempts
Sometimes you just can’t get what you want… your favorite band might be breaking up, maybe you were dumped, or perhaps that TV show you decided to obsess over was canceled by Fox… we hear you man, life sucks and there is just no getting around that. With some folks such a realization is enough to make them want to kill themselves. But to take the gloom out of the whole ordeal, many decided to spice up their suicides, you know, mix things up a bit, to keep this age old practice from getting stale.
Today we are honoring those people who decided to voluntarily leave this world in the most original ways possible. Here are the 6 weirdest suicides and suicide attempts ever.
Angelina Jolie Wants To Feel Like A Movie Star
Thought it might very well be an urban legend, there apparently are a few reports out on the web about Angelina Jolie’s suicide attempt. A suicide attempt when she reportedly tried hiring a hitman to take her out, because a suicide is just a too traumatic experience for the family. Murder you shake off in like 2-3 days, but suicide… suicide stays with you forever.
1. Angelina Jolie wants to feel like a movie star
To spare her family and friends the shock of one day finding her dead corpse in a bathtub with a bottle of pills, Jolie (during her “darker period”) allegedly talked to a professional murderer for hire, who in the end refused to do the job on the 26-year old actress. Apparently he also talked her through it, giving Jolie 1 month to think about it, during which time she snapped out of it and decided she might actually not be that insane after all.
Could very well be a complete lie, but it would explain how in the same year Jolie scored herself an Oscar for “Girl, Interrupted” where she played a suicidal mental patient. What an interesting coincidence, hmm? Hmm? HMM?!!
2. Depressed Man Does Not Want To Be A Bother
You know what suicidal people rarely think about? The aftermath of their actions. Oh sure, for them it’s just a few seconds of crazy and their job is done, but depending on the suicide method, someone will have to clean up after them and foot the funeral bills. One Mr. Milo Bogisic decided to not be that selfish and when he finally opted for leaving this stinking old world, he took care of all the afterdeath business himself, by committing suicide inside a funeral parlor’s casket.
The story goes like this: After suffering a streak of family problems, Bogisic ventured into a funeral office where he carefully picked himself a nice but not too expensive coffin. Then, he quietly sat down and wrote his own obituary. You see? This is a man who CARES. He didn’t even want to bother the newspaper people with writing up his obituary – he took care of it on his own. After which he crawled into the casket and shot himself in the head.
Depending on how you look at it, unluckily or luckily he survived. Unfortunately the undertakers refused to give him a refund for the coffin.
3. UK Boy Watches Way Too Many Movies
Here is a protip to get through life: be suspicious about the people on the internet, cause very often they are not who they claim to be. For example: When you meet someone on an online chatroom who claims to be a middle-aged female secret agent and promises to give you sex and recruit you to MI6 if you just stab someone, then maybe, just maybe, that person is lying, shocking as it might be.
uk boy watches way too many movies
A certain Manchester 16-year old certainly did not think so, when that very scenario happened to him. To him, sex starved secret service MILFs offering spy jobs in exchange for stabbing someone on the net seemed pretty normal. But, believe it or not, it turns out the boy was cheated! The person he stabbed was actually not a foreign spy but… a 14-year old boy who impersonated the “Spy MILF” in the first place?
Turns out the 14-year old was in love with the older boy and created this elaborate game to commit one of the most complex suicides in history. Sadly, all that work went to waste and he survived.
4. Suicide With A Statement… Or Not
In 2007 a party of hikers looking for their lost dog in the North Shore forest stumbled upon a peculiar site: namely another hiker trying to commit suicide by chaining himself to a tree, hoping to die from hunger. As far as embarrassing episodes go, getting caught suiciding is only slightly better than getting caught masturbating, which is precisely why most people opt for the quick way out. But not the outdoorsman of this story, no, when he was found out by the dog searching party, it had already been his 6th day in the forest.
Six days, people! It’s amazing how much the human body can endure. Truly, this is a very inspiring story about the power of the human mind, proving that if you just put your mind to it, you too can attempt a needlessly drawn out and elaborate suicide like this guy! Wait a minute… this is a horrible lesson. Please unlearn that lesson right now!
The suicidal hiker ultimately survived after being hurried to the hospital. No word if the dog was ever found.
5. Businessman Loses His Head
When it comes to suicide most people like to keep to the basic stuff: guns, pills, rope, a water tank with man-eating sharks etc. After all, you need time tested methods which you know will work. Taking your life is not really the time for experimentation, which is why the suicide of Tadeusz Szewczek of Eastern Poland is so surprising – because the man went down by decapitating himself. As gruesome as that might be, it’s also somewhat impressive.
The man achieved this by tying one end of a steal rope to a fence and the other to his neck, after which he sped off in his car, guaranteeing he will never wear a hat again. The victim’s mother claimed that it must have been his failing marriage which caused the man to lose his head like this. In unrelated news, Weird Worm would like to officially apologize for that awful pun we made just now. Sorry.
6. Man Wants To Go Out Swinging
You know, other than writing a bestselling novel or bedding Susan Boyle, there really isn’t much that will guarantee a typical person a place in the annals of history. Well, maybe a spectacularly badass suicide could also do the trick, if you are seriously out options. In January 2010 a Boston man was out of options. Wanting to punch out his ticket permanently, he decided the best course of action would be to attack Police officers with a samurai sword.
The unnamed man reportedly caused a lot of mayhem on Boston streets by charging at cops with his sword constantly yelling “Kill me”, which resulted in, and we’re quoting here “frightening swordplay.” But only after the man survived a 3-story fall through a glass window. Seriously, this guy really wanted to die but the universe just did not let him, probably because it was so impressed with his giant balls.