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Vol 870 - Jan. 20, 2010 - Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas
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Quotes about Hollywood:
"It's a great place to live ... if you're an orange." - Fred Allen
"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart." - Fred Allen
"Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom." - Candice Bergen
"Hollywood is a place where a man can get stabbed in the back while climbing a ladder." - William Faulkner
"Hollywood, to hear some writers tell it, is the place where they take an author's steak tartare and make cheeseburger out of it…. Upon seeing the film, they say, the author promptly cuts his throat, bleeding to death in a pool of money." - Fletcher Knebel
"Hollywood is a place where the stars twinkle until they wrinkle." - Victor Mature
"A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat." - Wilson Mizner
"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you $50,000 for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul." - Marilyn Monroe
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Today's Featured Humor : -) - -Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas
S.A.T. TEST QUESTIONS
The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
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